It comes with the territory

Today my lovely little foster daughter showed the side of her that is really hurting. She was insolent and obstinate ~ but through acknowledging her feelings and being patient, she came through. This is going to be as tough as I thought... at times tougher I'm sure. I'm thankful for my loving parents, son, and fellowship community who all helped us get through this day. This sweet girl needs a lot of love and support right now.

Our first day together

A's sand castle and F's mud pie with birthday candles

Nothing like some cool wet sand

Yesterday moring we met and brought home our foster daughter, F--. She is a pretty and sweet little girl, who I am sure will have moments of seeming otherwise, but not because that's who she is, but because she has been through a lot. She is 9 years old and fits into our family like a hand into a glove. She was crossing her fingers when we met her that her room would be red... as you know it is purple, but the bed is red and that saved us ;) Today she and A-- started school. It really is working well to have them both be the same age. A-- has been very good about showing her the ropes around here and at school. One of the most pleasant things we did was go for a picnic lunch and play by the river. The day went really well and helped us get off to a good start. I can't imagine moving to a new home with people you have never met before and the very next day starting school at a new school, but she is doing it with as much grace as she can and I am proud of her already.

Fun with Friends

This week we got to spend an afternoon with our good friends. We rode our bikes, flew kites, and went on their 4-wheeler. It was great fun to get to visit and play together. Hope to do it again sometime soon! Thanaks friends for a great day!

Weekend Fun

Alpine Slide (I was trying to get the tiny marmot to show up, but it is barly visable. They hide/live under the slide in some spots and are pretty cute!)

Gyro-sphere

Fast and Fun!

Hello down there!

Blue ribbon winner! "Mesa Verde"

One of my favorite ways to spend time is out and about with my family. This last week we were at C-'s "user conference" for work and we got to spend a couple of nights up at DMR. On one of the days A- and I got a half day pass and did a couple of the "adventerous" activities. I talked him into trying the "Gyrosphere" which feels like you are being tossed around in a washing machine. He wasn't a big fan, but we still had fun trying! We also went on the Alpine Slide several times - that's his favorite. Together we enjoyed the scenic chair lift ride (again once you get over the heights issue, its really a beautiful view). I also did the bungee tramp which I have done a few times before - I still get a thrill every time, it is SUPER fun :)

During this week we also got to enjoy some activities at the County Fair. Our little 4-H'er did a great job on his projects and entered one open class art painting. He got a blue ribbon on his robotics project, a red ribbon on his archery, and a blue on his painting. We were very proud parents! We met up with friends at the fair for a little while and got to watch the poultry and rabbit "dress up" contests... pretty funny :) In addition we ate lunch with my parents and volunteered at the 4-H BBQ and while C- and I were helping in the kitchen, A- was being very grown up and independent. He was helping serve drinks and seemed to love every minute of it. He wasn't ready to quit when his shift was over! Of course, we also had to go to the carnival. A- is getting braver every year. This year he was giving me a hard time for acting tense on the Ferris Wheel, when in the past he wouldn't even go! Anyway, lots of fun was had and I'm looking forward to doing it all again next year.

Let the ups and downs begin

Okay, well - the last word sounded like we will probably not have this child, but we'll know more on Tuesday.
We have been enjoying this weekend and I have been trying to relax --- taking time to just watch movies today.
Yesterday we went to the fair and I LOVED it. Its my favorite time of the year :)

We may have a little girl soon!

After talking with our caseworker today it sounds like we may have a little girl - 9 yrs old coming within a week or so!

Home-study Approved!

I received a call yesterday afternoon from our casework and our home-study has been officially approved. We will go in next week to sign our contract and receive our certification paperwork. In the mean time, it sounds like we could still receive a placement anytime. Its kind of confusing because I don't know if there are children who are actually in need right now or if our case worker is just trying to hurry things along because she knows a need could arise any day and they don't have other open homes at this time. The good news is that, even though I'm still scared and excited about having a child or two come into our home, I finally had a peaceful nights rest again last night. Whew!

Change is in the air

I don't know what it is, but change is definitely in the air. At least 3 families I know who live near us are planning on moving this fall. Several family members are preparing to go away to college for the first time or return to college, a good friend is expecting an exchange student this week and what am I doing? WAITING!!! ;) I have had the strangest dreams all week. I am usually a deep and solid sleeper and now I've had several nights of being very restless. I'm sleeping, I'm just dreaming so actively then having a lot of brief interruptions of wakefulness. It's weird. I know I have to be patient and that it may be months before we actually receive a placement call, but somehow my subconscious does not want to be patient. In a way, the feelings I'm having relate to how I felt when I was near the end of my pregnancy. I knew that labor would start at some point, I just didn't know when the exact moment would be. Its something you have no control over, it just finally happens. I hope things work out well for all my friends and neighbors and I hope that its not too long before I can be in enough of a comfort zone again to be able to sleep normally! :)

Do You Want to be a Foster Parent?

I've spoken with several people over the course of the past few years about foster care. We've swapped reasons for not doing it, even though the stories of the children in need touched us. Today I'm going to share some of those concerns and also the answers that we have found. There really is a deep need in our society for quality foster parents and instead of talking ourselves out of it, I hope to talk more people into it! :)

1) I think it would be too hard for me to get attached to a child, then watch them go back to their birth family. This is a big one and a concern that does deserve your real attention. However, understanding why the primary goal of the foster system is to have children return to their birth families can be a big help. The fact of the matter is that most children and most birth parents have been attached to each other for a long time. If you have children, imagine being forced to turn them over to strangers - imagine yourself as a child being torn from the only home you have ever known. I guess the point is that despite all the "attachment" issues that you, the child, and the birth parents will experience during this time, the child is really the one who will suffer the most if there aren't good foster parents ready and willing to shelter and protect them during this storm. You can love a child forever, even if you don't get to parent them forever and that in itself may be enough of a gift to make a real difference in his/her life.

2) I don't want to risk having my bio- child/children hurt or abused by a foster child. Keeping the children in your home safe, whether they are your bio, adopted, or foster kids must be your number one priority. The good news is that you can both be a foster parent, and keep your children safe. There are safety monitoring systems that you can use to ensure that you know if a child has left his/her bedroom during the night, you can use baby monitors to help make sure you know what's going on when kids are playing on their own, etc. From what I've read, it is not advisable to have foster children come into your home if you have an infant because that child would be incapable of protecting her/his self or of telling you if there was a problem. Unless of course you were only going to take another infant! In any case, I think in general common sense and gaining awareness of tools that can be used and best practice recommendations can help alleviate some of the concern about safety issues.

3) Don't you have to be married/straight/well-off/stay-at-home etc. to become a foster parent?
The truth is that all kinds of people can become foster parents. The criteria have more to do with your ability to be a safe and solid parent than with your lifestyle. As far as the financial thing goes - they do want to make sure that you have enough income to support yourself and your existing family members, but you don't have to be wealthy by any means.

4) I'm not sure I can handle a foster child...don't they usually have all kinds of "special needs"? Its true that foster children often do have "special needs" - any normal human would if they had experience abuse or neglect and had to be removed from their home. The key is realizing that children can be labeled "special needs" if they are non-white, have siblings, are over a certain age (usually 6), etc. These are things that just make them hard to place, but aren't necessiarly that big of a deal. In addition, children who have experienced trauma may be behind in school, may need to see a counselor, may need occupational or speech therapy, but often can flourish and will likely not need all these services later in life.

5) I'm not sure my spouse/partner/children are on board.
This is an area of concern that really is important to be aware of and to respect. If you are in a relationship, it is important that both you and your partner want to pursue this together. Many times one person is the "driver" or person who feels more passionately about it, but if both of you can't come to an agreement, it would do no one any good to continue to pursue. Foster children need peace and stability in the home and if they feel tension and a sense that one person really doesn't want them there, it will hurt them and they certainly don't need that! As far as children go, its a delicate balance. Its important to talk to your children about their feelings and help them address any concerns they may have. Its helpful to make them a part of the process as much as possible. However, its also important to be clear yourself and to make it clear to them, that this is ultimately an adult decision.

I hope this has been helpful! More as they come to me or you can post your comments or questions below.

Links

I wanted to share a couple of helpful links related to foster care.

Colorado's Change a Life Forever Adoption/ Foster Care web-site: http://www.changealifeforever.org/index.asp

CO Foster Care Association:
https://csfpa.org/

Training Correspondence Course: http://www.fosterparents.com/

You may be tired of this but...

I feel like I am nesting. I'm sure others are probably tired of this already but I am still enjoying getting the bedroom ready. Today I cleaned up the floor, put on the new bedding, wiped down the dresser, and re-installed the closet door. That room is now officially the cleanest room in the house! Now if I can just keep it that way until children arrive... a bit of a trick with another child in the house! He thinks the new room is pretty cool and its such a nice place to play now that its been reconverted into a "kid space".

Bedroom Progress Report

On Saturday I went shopping and got some new bedding (pics will be posted soon!) as well as new closet organizer thing. So yesterday I took the dresser out of the closet, cleaned out its drawers, and installed the new closet shelves and rack. As you can see the closet looks AWESOME, the dresser looks GREAT, and now the floor is a MESS....
Guess what I'll be working on today? This is all happening in phases - I'm excited to see how it will all look when it is totally done, but for now I'm enjoying each small accomplishment.