Pretty in pink! The scales in our house finally tipped - and the boys are out numbered! Our new foster daughters are bright, beautiful girls and we feel so happy and so blessed to have them in our lives. From two different families, these two little miracles have brought excitement, energy, diapers, sippy cups, baby dolls, and blankies back into our home. We don't know how long we will have them, but we are sure enjoying them for now.
It has been an very interesting experience having two little girls - just 6 mos. apart in age, and going around to the grocery store, church, the library, our family, and our neighborhood. It is fun seeing the world through their eyes, it is more difficult to figure out the right way to talk about them with friends, family, and other curious folk. I haven't talked to a lot of other foster parents so I don't know how they feel about situations like this, so I'm kind of having to figure it out on my own. Our first foster daughter fit into our family so seamlessly that we were rarely in the position of having to answer questions about our family relationships. However, the girls attract a lot more attention and I'm finding myself talking about being a foster parent a LOT more. I love talking about being a foster parent and rooting for more people to consider being foster parents, but there is also another side to all the questions - one that tends to hit an emotional nerve, and its on that subject that I'm going to "rant" a little :)
Frequently Asked Questions:
Are they twins? (no)
Are they both yours? (yes)
Have you adopted them? (no)
Will you have to give them up? (probably, but we don't know)
Won't it be hard to give them back? (yes)
I could never do what you guys are doing! (anyone with children probably could)
You are brave! (again, parenting is parenting whether its your birth children or foster or adopted children - Is it brave to parent twins or is it the expectation that the parents will just take care of their kids? Is it challenging, time consuming, and does it require a lot of energy, sure, but its not like its never been done before.)
They are so lucky to have you! (We are lucky to have them... we are the blessed ones. It is unfortunate that in coming into our lives, these children must have faced grief, loss, ill treatment, or neglect, but they are truly gifts and we are truly thankful. If we can offer them some tiny sense of love, security, happiness, peace, resilience, trust, compassion, then it is only giving them their due.)
There are very few parents I know - no matter how many children they have, that get constant praise for being so "good", "saintly" or whatever - foster parents REALLY are not all that different. There is an added dimension of "stuff" - paperwork, people, professionals, etc. that foster parents have to deal with, but believe me, the kids deserve it. I truly believe that pretty much anyone who can successfully parent a bio child or adopted child could also successfully parent a foster child. And (lastly) YES, it is hard to give them up and to not be in total control of their lives because YES you do fall in love with them and YES you do feel like they are yours BUT remember the good ol' Garth Brooks song, "The Dance", you can't just live your life in a little cushy vacuum because that is not really living. If you want to dance, you've got to get out there and do it- It is always worth it in the end. So, there you have it folks... just pretend that C and I had twins and now we are raising our daughters for however long and know that we just want to enjoy this time and celebrate our beautiful family and we are not more special or less special, we just are what we are.
