Saying Goodbye - Our last weeks together

We knew this day was coming, but it still hit me like a ton of bricks yesterday when the case worker gave us the big news: our foster daughter will be making the permanent move back to her bio-mom's house in about two weeks. It is bittersweet time. She is thrilled, her mother is as healthy as she can be, and we know that having her birth family back together has been her dream from the moment she came into foster care. All that being said, there is going to be a big empty place in our home and in my heart. It has been a truly joyful ( if at times trying) experience to parent her. I have had the opportunity to experience what it is like to have a daughter - plan and celebrate a 10th birthday with a "spa party", paint nails, buy and make cute hair bows, and watch with interest, excitement, and trepidation as she began to be openly interested in boys. Her childhood is coming to an end and her adolescence is beginning. We got to be a part of this one small snapshot in time. It has been an amazing experience - one for which I will forever be grateful. I know we will stay in touch, but our time together as mother and child is coming to a close.

As part of the letting go process, I have decided to include our extended family (those who live near us and got to know her) as well as her classmates, in helping me create a memory book for her. I created a scrapbook for her previously, but this one will be different - it is less formal and it will have a lot more words! (I'm not big on journaling in my scrapbooks.) I've asked people to include a photo, drawing, or clip art at the top of each page and to write to her on the lines below. (See picture of format below.) I encouraged everyone to share a favorite memory they have of her, anything special about her that they particularly liked getting to know about, a wish they have for her future, and/or a favorite quote, poem, or joke. My husband's parents and my folks all live close and have gotten to know her so I think this will be a good opportunity for them to have a chance to say goodbye as well. Our son has already expressed the fact that he is going to miss her and that its going to be pretty weird not having her around. I hope this book will be a nice opportunity for him to process some of his feelings. I know it has been cathartic for me and I know my husband is excited about the idea too. She loves her scrapbook, I hope she loves this too!

The Courtesy Jar

The Courtesy Jar

Courtesy Means:

1.	excellence of manners or social conduct; polite behavior.

2.	a courteous, respectful, or considerate act or expression.

STOP BEHAVIOR = Marbles OUT	START BEHAVIOR = Marbles IN
Tantrums, Arguing, whining, complaining	Following Directions Taking initiative (doing things without being told) Doing something kind Being safe and respectful

1 Marble can be earned each day!

7 Marbles = REWARD

(Determined @ weekly family meeting on Sunday evening @ 7 p.m.)
So we have been struggling some at our house recently with arguing, whining, complaining, and just flat not listening. I adapted this idea for the "Courtesy Jar" a couple years ago and decided to bring it back out and give it a spin. It really helped curtail these unwanted behaviors when we used it before. I hope it works again. Personally, I am having a hard time with our FD's occasionally nasty and obnoxious behaviors. I know that she is "acting out" a lot of strong emotions at times - but other times I feel like she is just behaving like a regular kid- sometimes good, sometimes there's a lot to be desired! I'd like to help her move along and I want to be sure that I'm helping her learn what behaviors are okay and which ones aren't. There is a very fine line between what behaviors one needs to have patience with and those that you just need to nip in the bud. Having a child who has had a challenging life and inconsistent parenting in the past means that you have to try to help them learn that their experiences do not define them. Having a rough life is not an excuse for bad behavior. Kids have to learn to make good choices for themselves. I know these things, but how to effectively pass that message on to children is really hard! I want to be a friend, I want to be an ally, but I also need to be a parent - not a doormat. Ugg... this parenting stuff is WORK! Wish us luck with the courtesy jar- hope it inspires you too in your quest for happy and healthy family interactions!

Kite Flying

We had fun getting some new kites and taking them out for a test run. The spring weather is so lovely and it is great to get outside!