Top Five

Here is a list of the top ten reasons why I love parenting two year olds (girl version):
5) Pretty, baby soft hair - hair ties, hair bows, adorable piggy tails!
4) Baby hands holding yours, reaching out to you with love and trust 
3) New adventures - the whole world seems new again in their eyes and things you've done before become fresh and fun
2) Babies are smart, funny, and they grow and learn so fast - it is so fun teaching them new things, silly things, jokes, and more and having them mimic you with their cute little faces and cute little gesture and cute little voices
1) The pitter patter of little feet. To me there is no cuter sound then that of little toddler feet running up and down the halls - usually accompanied by the sound of giggling and the kind of exuberant laughter that makes your heart melt. 

Dirty Little Secret

I want to keep these girls...even if it means that they don't get to be back with their parents. Being a foster parent is so weird and offers such unique life experiences.  No other parents willingly give up their children so frequently and with such grace (usually) as foster parents.  The kids come into one's life and they just become "yours" so quickly.  Your heart leaps out of your chest and starts walking around in them before you know it!   So there it is - the secret that Cody and I usually only talk about when we are alone - we want these girls and sometimes we wish we could keep them, even if it means a loss for their parents.  We know it might not work out that way - it may not even be "meant to be" but man oh man - we sure do love them. 

Twice the Fun!

Pretty in pink! The scales in our house finally tipped - and the boys are out numbered!  Our new foster daughters are bright, beautiful girls and we feel so happy and so blessed to have them in our lives.  From two different families, these two little miracles have brought excitement, energy, diapers, sippy cups, baby dolls, and blankies back into our home. We don't know how long we will have them, but we are sure enjoying them for now.  
It has been an very interesting experience having two little girls - just 6 mos. apart in age, and going around to the grocery store, church, the library, our family, and our neighborhood.  It is fun seeing the world through their eyes, it is more difficult to figure out the right way to talk about them with friends, family, and other curious folk.  I haven't talked to a lot of other foster parents so I don't know how they feel about situations like this, so I'm kind of having to figure it out on my own.  Our first foster daughter fit into our family so seamlessly that we were rarely in the position of having to answer questions about our family relationships.  However, the girls attract a lot more attention and I'm finding myself talking about being a foster parent a LOT more.  I love talking about being a foster parent and rooting for more people to consider being foster parents, but there is also another side to all the questions - one that tends to hit an emotional nerve, and its on that subject that I'm going to "rant" a little :)
Frequently Asked Questions:
Are they twins? (no)
Are they both yours? (yes)
Have you adopted them? (no) 
Will you have to give them up? (probably, but we don't know) 
Won't it be hard to give them back? (yes) 
I could never do what you guys are doing! (anyone with children probably could)
You are brave! (again, parenting is parenting whether its your birth children or foster or adopted children - Is it brave to parent twins or is it the expectation that the parents will just take care of their kids? Is it challenging, time consuming, and does it require a lot of energy, sure, but its not like its never been done before.)  
They are so lucky to have you! (We are lucky to have them... we are the blessed ones. It is unfortunate that in coming into our lives, these children must have faced grief, loss, ill treatment, or neglect, but they are truly gifts and we are truly thankful.  If we can offer them some tiny sense of love, security, happiness, peace, resilience, trust, compassion, then it is only giving them their due.)   
There are very few parents I know - no matter how many children they have, that get constant praise for being so "good", "saintly" or whatever - foster parents REALLY are not all that different.  There is an added dimension of "stuff" - paperwork, people, professionals, etc. that foster parents have to deal with, but believe me, the kids deserve it.  I truly believe that pretty much anyone who can successfully parent a bio child or adopted child could also successfully parent a foster child.  And (lastly) YES, it is hard to give them up and to not be in total control of their lives because YES you do fall in love with them and YES you do feel like they are yours BUT remember the good ol' Garth Brooks song, "The Dance", you can't just live your life in a little cushy vacuum because that is not really living.  If you want to dance, you've got to get out there and do it- It is always worth it in the end.  So, there you have it folks... just pretend that C and I had twins and now we are raising our daughters for however long and know that we just want to enjoy this time and celebrate our beautiful family and we are not more special or less special, we just are what we are. 
 
 

Saying Goodbye - Our last weeks together

We knew this day was coming, but it still hit me like a ton of bricks yesterday when the case worker gave us the big news: our foster daughter will be making the permanent move back to her bio-mom's house in about two weeks. It is bittersweet time. She is thrilled, her mother is as healthy as she can be, and we know that having her birth family back together has been her dream from the moment she came into foster care. All that being said, there is going to be a big empty place in our home and in my heart. It has been a truly joyful ( if at times trying) experience to parent her. I have had the opportunity to experience what it is like to have a daughter - plan and celebrate a 10th birthday with a "spa party", paint nails, buy and make cute hair bows, and watch with interest, excitement, and trepidation as she began to be openly interested in boys. Her childhood is coming to an end and her adolescence is beginning. We got to be a part of this one small snapshot in time. It has been an amazing experience - one for which I will forever be grateful. I know we will stay in touch, but our time together as mother and child is coming to a close.

As part of the letting go process, I have decided to include our extended family (those who live near us and got to know her) as well as her classmates, in helping me create a memory book for her. I created a scrapbook for her previously, but this one will be different - it is less formal and it will have a lot more words! (I'm not big on journaling in my scrapbooks.) I've asked people to include a photo, drawing, or clip art at the top of each page and to write to her on the lines below. (See picture of format below.) I encouraged everyone to share a favorite memory they have of her, anything special about her that they particularly liked getting to know about, a wish they have for her future, and/or a favorite quote, poem, or joke. My husband's parents and my folks all live close and have gotten to know her so I think this will be a good opportunity for them to have a chance to say goodbye as well. Our son has already expressed the fact that he is going to miss her and that its going to be pretty weird not having her around. I hope this book will be a nice opportunity for him to process some of his feelings. I know it has been cathartic for me and I know my husband is excited about the idea too. She loves her scrapbook, I hope she loves this too!

The Courtesy Jar

The Courtesy Jar

Courtesy Means:

1.	excellence of manners or social conduct; polite behavior.

2.	a courteous, respectful, or considerate act or expression.

STOP BEHAVIOR = Marbles OUT	START BEHAVIOR = Marbles IN
Tantrums, Arguing, whining, complaining	Following Directions Taking initiative (doing things without being told) Doing something kind Being safe and respectful

1 Marble can be earned each day!

7 Marbles = REWARD

(Determined @ weekly family meeting on Sunday evening @ 7 p.m.)
So we have been struggling some at our house recently with arguing, whining, complaining, and just flat not listening. I adapted this idea for the "Courtesy Jar" a couple years ago and decided to bring it back out and give it a spin. It really helped curtail these unwanted behaviors when we used it before. I hope it works again. Personally, I am having a hard time with our FD's occasionally nasty and obnoxious behaviors. I know that she is "acting out" a lot of strong emotions at times - but other times I feel like she is just behaving like a regular kid- sometimes good, sometimes there's a lot to be desired! I'd like to help her move along and I want to be sure that I'm helping her learn what behaviors are okay and which ones aren't. There is a very fine line between what behaviors one needs to have patience with and those that you just need to nip in the bud. Having a child who has had a challenging life and inconsistent parenting in the past means that you have to try to help them learn that their experiences do not define them. Having a rough life is not an excuse for bad behavior. Kids have to learn to make good choices for themselves. I know these things, but how to effectively pass that message on to children is really hard! I want to be a friend, I want to be an ally, but I also need to be a parent - not a doormat. Ugg... this parenting stuff is WORK! Wish us luck with the courtesy jar- hope it inspires you too in your quest for happy and healthy family interactions!

Kite Flying

We had fun getting some new kites and taking them out for a test run. The spring weather is so lovely and it is great to get outside!

Soccer Mom!

I am officially a "soccer mom" - for the first time in 10 years! I am also a soccer coach! This is exciting for me because I have never coached a sporting activity before. It is also scary because I have never played soccer and know very little about it. A great book to the rescue! The Absolute Beginners Guide to Coaching Youth Soccer
The authors have me pegged and thankfully really do provide the basic education that one needs to be a successful coach from underlying philosophy to the practical nuts and bolt of the game and of organizing practices. I love finding the perfect book to help me when I'm in a pinch!